She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
