Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
