The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
