nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
