So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
