She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
