What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
