only if we run a train.
done.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
