Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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