Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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