yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
