Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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