I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
