I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
