He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
