Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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