I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
