I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Just puked most of my soul out..
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
