okay pat passed out under dana's car
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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