Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
