I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Randomize
