I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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