That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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