I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
