i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I showed him my bush... on skype.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
