We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
