omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
