I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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