I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
