there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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