he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
