fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
