She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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