It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
