I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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