she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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