She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Randomize
