grandma shit on top of the toilet
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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