i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
