you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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