Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
