i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
