WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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