she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
