I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
