mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
