Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
