dude i'm inner monologue high
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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