My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
