@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
