There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
don't judge my taste in strippers
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
