those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
